Endings are hard.
Yet Autumn is possibly the most psychologically delicious season. Ask people what their favourite season is – most of my friends say Autumn.
It has a warm, rich feeling – bonfires, cider, crunching leaves, a particular kind of golden sunshine.
But part of the appeal for me, I think, was that it spite of nature bringing its blooming to a close, Fall always felt like a time of beginning. Every year, school would start again – a clean slate of possibility.
I like beginnings: the excitement and zing of opportunity yet-to-be-unlocked.
But how much of that push toward beginning was fighting the natural rhythm of the seasons?
Now that I am no longer in school – maybe this is a time to let myself feel more purely life’s natural pulse.
In my late night googling, I stumbled across this article by Roger Robinson called ‘How To Completely Destroy Your Artistic Life‘, where he breaks down warning signs. Number one:
“If an artist is starting too many projects, but none of them ever seemed finished, before starting yet another one. This is one I see alot in artists sabotaging themselves.”
That has the harsh ring of truth.
While I ascribe to Elizabeth Gilbert’s view that some of us are hummingbirds and some of us are jackhammers, and I believe that eclecticism should be celebrated, it can also become a trap.
There were so many projects I had to abandon midstream when I wasn’t well, or things left unfinished. There are new ideas bubbling, but I haven’t closed the loop of the old ones, either by bringing them to a state where they feel complete, or by releasing them back into the wild.
While I do feel the tendrils of growing possibility – like the ivy that is cunningly snaking its way up our wall, growing in defiance of the coming winter – I think it would do my good to try to embrace the rest of this year as a time of endings.
It’s time to let go: of the clutter, the unfinished projects, the various mental loops I am keeping open in expectation of an arrival that never comes.
This Autumn, I’d like to really feel the seasons. And savour the process of endings.