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# Where The Roses Bloom

life and art

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## Posts

- [Summer House](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/08/05/summer-house/) - It was a summer houseThough we only realised itWhen winter came The children slept upstairsIn the only roomsWarm enough to bear In the morningsThe toilet waterWould be frozen solid We went through 8 or 10Cords of wood that winterBurning everything Except the wooden frameThat stood between usAnd the woods outside We made our bed togetherIn
- [Heartwood](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2024/08/29/heartwood/) - For Kevin on his 75th birthday The wood from a house builta hundred years ago is strongerthan what we use today. Ringscluster tightly in old growth forests;their density makes them resistantto disease and decay, in ways thatyounger trees cannot replicate.I read somewhere, in an articlethat I have never been able to find again,that trees can
- [Two Poems About Motherhood](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2024/03/12/two-poems-about-motherhood/) - Full texts here: Bicycle Seat Missing Mothers
- [Missing mothers](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/01/21/missing-mothers/) - Any student of fairytales will tell youAlmost nothing is as essential asA missing mother.The journeys and adventures belongTo the orphaned and abandoned;Not to those tucked safely in bed,Left with a warm kiss on their brow.For the longest time I thoughtThis must be a plot imperative.Of course there must be an absenceTo trigger the journey. And
- [Antikythera Mechanism](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2024/01/19/antikythera-mechanism/) - Salt preserves. Slows timeby fending off decay and sothe sea must be a slowmotion machine since we canonly measure time by change.It is not just light that movesdifferently underwater. The true treasures are notalways obvious. We rescue,then neglect. Spend decadestrying to understand knowledgehumans had thousands of years ago. Lost. Found. Recovered. Discovered. When we measure
- [Pablum](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2023/09/25/pablum/) - The spoon weaves, teasingly,But the game soon dissolvesInto mealy-mouthed frustration. Cheeks stuffed full of unwanted, overprocessedNonsense. Mush, where real nutritionOught to be. The dilemma: swallow or spit? The biggest challenge is not evenThe blandness of the taste itself But the endlessness of the oncoming drivel. What shall we do today?Eat like a numbly obediently child?Or
- [Odds and ends 12](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/02/02/odds-and-ends-12/) - Inaugural Poet Amanda Gorman On Uncertainty and Inspiration by Michelle Woo (from Medium) Amanda Gorman: "Rarely does a writer say “I’m gonna have a great idea” and it comes. Instead you have to wait lovingly, preparing a place for inspiration to strike in your life. It’s like tending soil, though you might not have seeds
- [I leak poetry](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/10/20/i-leak-poetry/) - I just wrote a poem, called The Level. Last week I had the observation that this was an interesting metaphor for internal balance. And tonight I wrote the poem. I did it in approximately 6 minutes. Because it was 8.35pm when I remember looking at the clock, and it is 8.42pm now. I thought maybe
- [The level](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/10/20/the-level/) - I tilt the levelTrying to perfectlyBalance the caught breathOf the bubble trapped within Perhaps if it is carefully alignedEverything made straightThen the world willMake sense And maybeIf I can tilt myselfTo the right angle, thenI'll be at peace with what isAnd with what is trapped inside Note: The initial concept for this was inspired by
- [Flowers for Rose](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/09/25/flowers-for-rose/) - You asked me to write you a poemAbout bringing you beautiful flowersI thought about spinning slow versesUnfurled in deliberate hoursBut amidst the hair pulling and shoutingAnd laughing and singing and climbingI find I'm increasingly doubtingThat you give a fig about rhymingSo these quick-crafted lines must sufficeAnd although concentration is nice And finishing is pleasantWhat you
- [It drives me crazy when people talk about 'put on your own oxygen mask'](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/07/05/it-drives-me-crazy-when-people-talk-about-put-on-your-own-oxygen-mask/) - It's been floating around for years, but at the moment it feels like it's 'EVERYWHERE'. 'Put on your own oxygen mask first.' It's a great metaphor - it's visual, and anyone who's ridden on an airplane will have heard it. People say this particularly to encourage people who struggle making space for self-care to take
- [stepping stones](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2023/08/29/stepping-stones/) - for Kevin on his birthday you give me the greatest giftI could ever have asked for the knowledge and reassurancethat there was never a planjust a life built from the simple actof taking the next right choicethen the next and the nextuntil it begins to form its ownmajestic pattern with a meaningthat will keep evolving
- [The Hummingbird](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2023/05/18/the-hummingbird/) - For Anita, for her birthday Joy is never earnedIt can only be a gift And the moment it arrivesThe winds again begin to lift But favour can be courtedBy things beautiful and bright And we can gently temptThat little bird to alight If every soul's a gardenWe choose what we plant And every tiny flowerHas
- [Hamartia](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2023/01/19/hamartia/) - His mother holds the golden vaseThat holds the bones of her only sonThat hold the memory of AchillesThat holds an eternal question When she took her infant to the river StyxAnd dipped her child in the waters of deathAnd won him this underworldly armourAnd slept easier knowing he was protected What if instead she had
- [Odds and ends 11](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/22/odds-and-ends-11/) - It Takes Me More Than 3 Hours To Write One Story by Shannon Ashley (from Medium) "The reality is that there probably are certain types of stories that you could write more quickly than others. That doesn’t mean those are the stories that will put you on the map, however. It also doesn’t mean that those are
- [Odds and Ends 10](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/02/odds-and-ends-10/) - Jeremy O. Harris Is Spending HBO’s Money on Producing Plays and May Be Funding the Revolution by Helen Shaw (from Vulture) "As part of his HBO deal, Harris has secured a discretionary fund for experimental-theater production, essentially a weird-art slush fund. So he’s now a producer, first donating $80,000 from licensing his own plays toward micro-grants for
- [The selvage](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/10/20/the-selvage/) - The thread is fine nowAs thin as gossamerShimmering in the light There is a strange beautyIn these timesOf holding, and letting go I never believed in the fatesSpinning, weavingWaiting, releasing But now I see your placeIn life's tapestrySo clearly My eyes may be wetYet my heart is fullYou are part of the patternForever Note: This
- [The ONE new year's resolution everyone should make](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/12/06/the-one-new-years-resolution-everyone-should-make/) - The new year is approaching, which means we are drawing closer to resolution time! I'm a confirmed skeptic of new year's resolutions. (If something is important, why wait? And if I can't actually manage a goal in the course of my day to day life, why set myself up for failure and then punish myself
- [Odds and ends 9](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/12/28/odds-and-ends-9/) - You Probably Misunderstand Nigerian Prince Emails: The truth behind the internet’s oldest scam by Sean Kernan (from Medium) "It’s better to think of Nigerian prince emails as cash advance scams, myriad endless scenarios requiring money upfront. The concept started as The Spanish Prisoner Scheme in the early 1800s in Europe. A representative (the “trickster”) for
- ["More fun this time" - a cancer motto](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/08/15/more-fun-this-time-a-cancer-motto/) - It would be an understatement to say that my cancer treatment the first time around was not a whole lot of fun. I was so traumatised, both from the birth and the cancer experience, that I felt like I was living in a state of continuous PTSD for much of my treatment. The level of
- [A creative career is like a combination lock](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/12/20/a-creative-career-is-like-a-combination-lock/) - Or: good advice from my husband I wish I could take credit for this fantastic idea. But this was an image that was shared with me today from my husband. For whatever reason (maybe feeling sore over my wonky shoulder, after injuring it earlier this week?) I was in a bit of a funk today.
- [If I forget to say thank you](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/11/25/if-i-forget-to-say-thank-you/) - If I forget to say thank youI know that isn't rightBut it isn't out of maliceIt isn't out of spite If I don't stop to say I love youIt's not that I don't careI just feel scatteredIn a million pieces everywhere If I never say I'm sorryI still feel it deep insideIt just got tangled
- [Holding our breaths](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/11/08/holding-our-breaths/) - A poem for election day Is this howThe Roman charioteersFelt when straddling two horses?Straining towards separate pathsDancing on the edge ofDisaster At leastThe Romans heldThe reins in their own two handsWe steer while yoked to madnessOn that at least weCan agree We hoverOn the future'sPrecipice HoldingOurBreaths Photo by Anastasiia Krutota on Unsplash
- [Drought](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/11/07/drought/) - Look at the dried earthHardened, so that water onlySits on its crusted surface It will take months ofAbove-average rainfallTo restore the depleted reservesThat lie far, far underground It is only gradually that fluidCan be absorbed, softeningThe ground into a placeWhere things once again can grow It takes so much gentle healingTo recover from a scorching
- [Mother meditating](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/09/10/mother-meditating/) - What is the name of the mudraWhere you sit, hand folded over handAround the waist of a small childWith bits of snack still stuck to their shirtWho pulls your grip even tighterInsisting your hands are their seat beltWhizzing off to imaginary galactic adventuresIn the rocketship of your lapWhile the ragdoll copilot dances merrilyOn the tiny
- [The rumble beneath the surface](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/10/11/the-rumble-beneath-the-surface/) - Things have been a little quiet on this blog. But that's not because the writing hasn't been happening. Time feels strange these days - whether a hangover of the pandemic or the strangely elastic nature of living with chronic illness, I'm not sure. I think it was overyear ago that I took my first step
- [Teatime](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/10/11/teatime/) - The tragedy thatA full fridgeIs cheaper to runThan an empty one. So the columnistAdvises placingBowls of waterOn bare shelves. Now in homesAcross the countryHungry childrenWill open the door - Only to be met withTheir own reflections. Note: This was inspired by an article in The Guardian. I understand the necessary practicality of the advice, but
- [Sky and Soil](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2022/02/20/sky-and-soil/) - flying and fallingthe differencebetweenlooking aheadto open airandan anxious gazeat the ground Note: This was inspired by a bird flying outside my window. I played with different versions of this poem. Initially, there was more structure - firmer sentences, more words, capitalisation, punctuation, but it felt airier stripping that out. I tried to tease out exactly
- [Odds and Ends 8](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/12/10/odds-and-ends-8/) - But What Will You Do With Your Own Life by Brianna Wiest (from Medium) "There is no universal experience, there is only experience, and what we choose to do with it." Strangers on a Phone, Theatrically Speaking by Laura Collins-Hughes (from the New York Times) "In the lockdown days of early spring, after they’d left
- [Odds and ends 7](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/10/20/odds-and-ends-7/) - To Find A Better Solution, Ask A Better Question by Hal Gregersen (From Medium) "Today, as I sit in the midst of MIT’s buzzing hive of innovators, I see plenty of people arriving at and articulating questions with the same power to excite the imagination and engage other clever people’s efforts. For the moment, I’ll
- [Questions](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/12/19/questions/) - We commiserate so oftenAbout all the questionsOur children askThe constant chorusOf WHY, WHY, WHY?But maybe we shouldThink more about theQuestions they don't ask.The things they knowAlready are too secretOr too shamefulTo be spoken aloud,The places they pick upOn our uneasy shifting,The averted gaze,The quick distraction;Or worse - the pregnant Pause before we answer In too-bright
- [Rosebud](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/11/12/rosebud/) - Yes, I see you thereBack arched withLuxurious graceYour thick and feralTail swaying likeA hypnotist's trickLeading the eyeExactly to whereYou want it:That perfect littlePink puckeringA delicate terminusI envy your shining furYour effortless athleticismAnd your all-seeing eyesBut most of allThat parading bottomOn proud displayI hold my milk-stainedChild in my armsAnd think the sacrificeWas worth itYet I can't
- [How I am honouring this Thanksgiving](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/11/25/how-i-am-honouring-this-thanksgiving/) - Every year as I honour Thanksgiving, I'm mindful of the complicated history that accompanies it - and in particular the legacy of pain for indigenous folks in America. I find myself sitting square in the middle of this contradiction. I want to hold space for this holiday's tangled past - and it seems to me,
- [A Thanksgiving](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/11/25/a-thanksgiving/) - There are some acts of kindnessSo profound that they go beyondOur ability to ever return the favour.All we can do is pay it forwardIn a spirit of blessed gratitude,Marvelling that the world can beFull of such kindness and grace.And at the very darkest of timesThat spirit of generosity will shineWarming our hands and our heartsAs
- [Introducing: Where The Roses Bloom - the Newsletter](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/10/29/introducing-where-the-roses-bloom-the-newsletter/) - The time has come! I'm creating an email list / newsletter. Basically, it means you can sign up to get updates by email, to your inbox, instead of coming to this site or checking social media. Important stuff first... Why you might want to sign up: Find out when there are new posts on Where
- [Dear pigeons](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/07/14/dear-pigeons/) - Based on / a true story I'm sorry I droppedSome wasabi peasDown where you satEagerly under myBench, waiting forWhatever may come. I wanted to tell youIt wasn't intentional.I can imagine thatWasabi may lead toAvian indigestionAnd beak irritation. Although of courseIf any birds were goingTo enjoy wasabi peasIt would certainly beLondon's cosmopolitanPigeon population. They just slipped
- [Crossings](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/04/20/crossings/) - The people that come into our livesCrossing paths, or deeply intertwiningBecome the scaffoldingOn which we fix our ownAffections and inspirationsPrecious, even when paths diverge In ways that go beyond understandingOur lives become knotted togetherLike ivy climbing brickwork heightsImpossible to scale alone, but secureIn the companionship of others Forging their own paths to the sun What
- [Seeing stories](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/08/30/seeing-stories/) - For Mat Hale A cameraIs a machine, butBehind that machine is theEye of an artistWatching Or seeingThat's a better wordFor eyes that look deeperAnd find truths thatNeed light But is itPowerful enoughFor the alchemy that goesInto capturing lifeVia a lens I needNew words forTurning vision to language -Maybe silenceIs best A lifeSeeing storiesIs a life
- [Graveyard Walk](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/11/13/graveyard-walk/) - There is a signJust inside the gatesSpray-painted in bright yellow:A picture of two bodiesAnd an arrow between themLabelled '6 ft'.It looks like a traffic marking.Strange to see thisOn consecrated ground,Where stone angels hover,And carefully-chiselled datesBook-end the livesOf the sleepersUnder our feet.Someone passes,Chasing their dog.A woman in exercise gearDoes lunges In front of gravestones.A child is
- [Chrestomathy](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/10/16/chrestomathy/) - Everything familiarOnce started As something foreign.We nibble atThe unknown,Chew and digestEach tiny bite.And gradually the tasteOf something strangeOr unpalatableBecomes somethingThat we crave.There was a timeWhen the thingsThat you love mostWere crypticAnd befuddling.Can you remember?Take a momentTo be gratefulTo the onesWho packaged experienceInto delectable parcelsTeasing us with the promiseOf bigger mysteries.Reading choice fragmentsIs not the sameAs
- [These Hands](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/08/04/these-hands/) - For Lia These hands have held babies,Soothed fevered brows,Held tightly to others in excitementAnd in love. These hands have created beauty,Shaping art from life,Finding the line, the gestureAt the essence. These hands have tied themselvesIn imagined knots,Working over worries and problems -Then releasing them. These hands have crafted feasts,Made a thousand sandwiches,Fed hungry mouths withMore
- [14 July 2021](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/07/15/14-july-2021/) - A waterfall of tears.A river of tears.An ocean of tears.Which tributaries must I followTo come to dry land?The water pours, poundsDown in violent sheetsAnd still it is not enoughTo wash awayMy sadness orThis reality.All I see isBlue blue blueAnd the mist risingFrom the water woundWhere each drop lands:A resurrected end. Photo by Stephen Walker on
- [A thought on marriage: the ingredients of happiness](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/05/14/a-thought-on-marriage-the-ingredients-of-happiness/) - It's a funny moment isn't it, where the blinders go on and the walls go up - where we stop thinking and go into blind action like strange little robots. For me, it feels like my settings have been switched, instead of operating calmly and reflectively, I just blindly charge ahead with whatever it feels
- [Dreams of singing](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/07/14/dreams-of-singing/) - Isn't it strangeI keep havingDreams of singing? Or perhaps itIs not strangeAt all. My consciousMind hasForgotten how. But in my dreamsI remember howIt feels. Breath,Sound,Vibration. Is it a memory?More likelyA message. Today I satAt the pianoJust to see. My voice was Quiet butStill there. It survivedAbuse, criticismAnd neglect. Was itBeautiful?Who cares? The pointIs notTo impress.
- [Energy: a paradox](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/06/30/energy-a-paradox/) - Why is it thatThe more energyYou put into lifeThe more energyYou get out of it? Shouldn't it beThat the more Energy we spendThe less we have?Like emptying outA bank account.But somehow lifeDoesn't seem toWork that way. For example:The longer I stayIn bed, the moreTired I am,Except whenI really do needTo have a rest.(Like this morningWhen
- [Insomnia companion, part 7: Welcoming the Light](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/06/23/the-insomnia-companion-welcoming-the-light/) - Perhaps it has been a long nightPerhaps, the sky is beginningTo take on a different colourBrightening, growing light.What if those wakeful hoursWere not a frustrated wasteOf lonely and unwelcomeAlertness, of misspent rest?What if instead we sawThat time as keeping vigilFor unnamed strangersOr even the world itself.Those hours were not spentIn vain. We bore witnessTo the
- [Divergence](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/05/07/drift/) - For Mother's Day Fused, viscerallyBlood and boneBodies knittedTogether, wholeThen - over timeA gradual shiftingSo small, so slowIt happens invisiblyAnd yet somehowFurther and furtherWe drift apartThe world remakingItselfPainless on the surfaceYet violent beneathPressure buildsRivers of magma flowPropelling the futureCracking and collidingUntil an ocean standsBetween our bodiesIt's natural, necessary -How the world worksForging mountainsCarving valleysYou only have
- [the space between](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/05/12/the-space-between/) - between the questionandthe answerthere is a spacewhether it isthe blink of an eyeoran interminable stretchthis is the placewhere we all liveevery birth is a questionevery deathis an answerand lifeis the state ofjoyous uncertaintythat hoversin the airbetween every breathof our universe Note: I normally love using standard capitalisation, but somehow it didn't feel right to have
- [I finally know whether to buy light or dark soy sauce](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/05/10/i-finally-know-whether-to-buy-light-or-dark-soy-sauce/) - Growing up, I had no idea there was more than one kind of soy sauce. It simply wasn't part of my world. As an adult, I started to notice the 'dark' and 'light' soy sauce designations. I never knew which one to pick, so I would just grab one and work with that. (And I
- [Snapdragons](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/05/09/snapdragons/) - For Anita For the little girlFor whom flowersWere not enoughUnless they couldBreathe fire andNip your fingersI treasure herFierce imagination,Her gentle heartAnd her eye forBeauty that seesBeyond surfaces Note: I got an email that the Mother's Day flowers might not have arrived, so I made these instead. Love you, Mama. Photo by Ashkan Forouzani on Unsplash
- [Gratitude is enough](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/04/23/gratitude-is-enough/) - Yesterday, I cooked a double batch of pasta sauce and took it to a local friend who has just welcomed a baby. It was such a joy to help out in this tangible sort of way - and it was interesting getting to be on the giving side, since for the past few years I
- [Decisions](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/03/05/decisions/) - The path forksI retreatInto the vacuumOf my whirring mindDetermined to polish my decisionTo a high sheen of certaintyTo imagine a futureSo controlledI can see my own faceReflected in its surfaceBut the faster I spinThe more lost I becomeIn a black holeOf my own creationMy core feels empty, expanding(Was that once a bellybutton?)To a fathomless voidReady
- [The bird's nest](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/27/the-birds-nest/) - For Holocaust Memorial Day PreservedAs a necessaryMonumentTo brutalityA wind blowsThroughThe draughty BarracksShelvesFor piled bodiesOn the cusp ofSilenceEmptyExcept memoriesJust walls nowFloorPeople lived hereDiedSurvivedHuman soulsDeathShadowsWatchingWitnessesAnd yetIn the raftersLifeEnduresA bird's nestEmptyPreservedLife Photo by Serafima Lazarenko on Unsplash Note: Many years ago, I visited Auschwitz with Zach while he was living in Poland. The image of this bird's nest
- [Before](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/03/17/before/) - Before there were wordsThere was the bodyA language of touch and heatBefore there were lawsThere was instinctRefined with each heart's beatBefore there were mapsThere were communitiesTheir boundaries drawn by feetBefore there were banksThere was still exchangeOf necessities and treatsBut now the most deep human patternsHave transformed into dangerous chainsWe must break them, and quicklyWe live
- [Beware](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/27/beware/) - Beware the ones who sayI've read thatTo every book you mentionWho always have a counterexample Or a riposte, who are never caughtWithout a ready answerAnd exist in a state of impermeable poiseBeware the ones who file awayKnowledge like munitionsTrapped in an intellectual arms raceWho consume to increase their powerRather than to appreciate their ignoranceAnd cannot understand
- [Fairytales](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/27/fairytales/) - If deathIs an unhappy endingThen all our storiesHave unhappy endingsThat is not howI want to see my lifeViewed through fogged glassOf grief and lossHappily ever afterDoes not requireImmortality or denialWe choose it every day Photo by Cederic Vandenberghe on Unsplash
- [Where's mama?](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/26/wheres-mama/) - (This poem / might be triggering / for some people) Where's mama?She's workingWhere's mama?She's in the bathroomWhere's mama?She's cooking dinnerShe's writingShe's busyWhere's mama?Tonight she's meeting a friend Where's mama?She's off on a visit to the doctorWhere's mama?She's cleaningIt makes her feel calmerWhere's mama?She just needs a moment aloneSometimes we feel betterAfter a good cryWhere's mama?She'll
- [Colour and pattern](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/11/02/colour-and-pattern/) - The thing about knittingIs you have to choose:Colour or pattern?A beautiful textureWill only showWith a solid colour.Likewise,A vibrant, multicolour yarnWill get lostIn a busy pattern.I've learned thisFrom careful observationAnd the sharp edgeOf experience.No sweaterCan holdEvery colourI think is beautiful;Or every patternI want to seePlay out.Trying to cramEverything inOnly endsIn a tangled mess.In my life,There are
- [Skeleton Tree](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/11/17/skeleton-tree/) - Skeleton treePicked clean as a boneBranches white against the darkening skyHigh aboveBirds are flying homeTo hideaways where leaves still cling Note: This was inspired by a tree I passed on a walk to Paddington Old Cemetery. Unfortunately none of my photos could do it justice. In writing this poem, I found myself wondering about how
- [Catch and release](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/11/20/catch-and-release/) - Think of any criticism,Each little bit of feedback,And every morsel of praise,As a little fishSwimming through a public pond.You are the fishermanSitting in the boat above.Some days, you might decideTo throw out a wide netScooping up as many scaly swimmersAs the knotted mesh can hold.Other days, you may wantTo cast a careful lineDangling it lazily
- [The crust](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/12/01/the-crust/) - When I scrape away the crust of anxietyBeneath it is simply the feelingThat I should be doing something differentFrom what I am doing.From the pressing sensation in my chest,To the buzzing feeling around my brain,My whole body is electrifiedWith the terror that time is running out.Whether I am scrubbing away in the kitchenOr finally writing
- [Play](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/12/15/play/) - That shape in the middle is called playBetween endless hustlingAnd weary stagnationIs a set of monkey barsThey are yours to exploreSwing wildlyFeel your own heft and lightnessIs that the sound of laughter?And if you slip?Well that's all part of the gameLand lightly and spring upThere are no rulesExcept those that you inventDo you want to
- [Other Lives](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/12/28/other-lives/) - In the dark hoursI imagine your other livesThe ones where our paths divergedInstead of came togetherI see you holding the handOf another personSomeone who carries The sleek gloss of HollywoodA stark contrast to my ownRumpled and unready lifeIn these dreamsYou are always happyYou are always laughingNo one pulls away, or fightsYou have found the perfect
- [A New Year](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/01/a-new-year/) - I haven't madea resolution in yearsJanuary 1 is justanother daywhy waitto reach forthe things you wantin your life?and yetthis year feelsdifferent somehowon the cusp of somethingperhaps there isvalue in grand gesturesand pivot pointswith no turning backthe days already grow longerwhile the worldhas never felt more uncertainwonders surely awaitmy resolution isto notice them Photo by Jude
- [Purple Lion](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/05/purple-lion/) - A purple lionGuards the gateTo my dreamsI bring him hunksOf my raw and ready fleshAnd an ice cream Sandwich just in casePurple lions preferThat sort of thingHe gives me a milky grinFlecks of chocolateDangling from his chin And I slip through the bars Which have somehowBecome elastic and yieldingStretching to accommodateAll of meEven the self-made steaksI carry them
- [Bicycle seat](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/05/bicycle-seat/) - Your father shows meA toddler seatFor his bicycleAnd my breath stopsHow can I send you bothOut into the worldRiding at speedOn these tiny scraps of metalAmong the menacing hordesOf automotive monsters?I joke that I would like To wrap the two of youIn bubble wrapBut am I joking really?The thing isWrapping someone In bubble wrapIs not such a
- [Insomnia companion, part 4: the sacred spider](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/05/insomnia-companion-part-4-the-sacred-spider/) - Imagine an agile arachnid Gently spinning a gossamer web Over your eyelids Feel the subtle weight Of her silken net The little being Dances and soars Creating an imaginary eye pillow A growing, welcome pressure Weaving waking dreams You could open your eyes But why not wait Just a bit Let the spider Do their
- [Tell your friends 'I love you'](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/22/tell-your-friends-i-love-you/) - Do you remember the first time you said 'I love you' to someone, and you were scared they wouldn't say it back? Or maybe this hasn't happened to you. Some people never want to be the person to say it first. Personally, I've always felt like we need as much love as possible in this
- [Hot](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/21/hot/) - The heat starts deep under my skin, pushing towards the surface with the force and inevitability of an oncoming wave. I can feel when it starts, but by then it is too late. I can tell myself that I am not actually hot, just flooded with sensation, but it makes no difference. I am warm,
- [Space vs stuff](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/20/space-vs-stuff/) - It seems to me that keeping a home environment nice and tidy comes down to a fundamental conflict between space and stuff. What is clutter? We talk about clutter as a noun, but I think that actually, it's more a condition - a way of being. Clutter is the state of having too much stuff
- [Amanda Gorman: a reminder of the beauty and power of words](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/20/amanda-gorman-a-reminder-of-the-beauty-and-power-of-words/) - I'm not sure anything else can really be said about this. What a poem. What a moment. Here's to hope. Photo: Wikimedia Commons
- [Tin](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/02/19/tin/) - For Zachary Ten yearsNamed for tinBecause after that all timeIt is strong and durable, so they say But I find myself thinking of tinkersWith hammers and shearsPerhaps marriage isThat too There is beauty in the dented, mended watering canThat can still hold water, that can still nourish life Note: I wrote this poem on 20
- [Drifting](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/20/drifting/) - Before I slipBeneath the surfaceInto the world of dreamsI just want to sayI love youAnd did you rememberTo put out the garbage Photo by Matheus Vinicius on Unsplash
- [Ice](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/12/02/ice/) - If someone had told me That adult life means Getting excited about Defrosting a freezer I would have run away To neverland Years ago. Yet here I am, Watching ice melt And gleefully collecting The fallen chunks, Symbols of my victory Over chaos And cold. Photo by Dev Benjamin on Unsplash
- [The best foundations for 'chemo-face' problem skin](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/18/the-best-foundations-for-chemo-face-problem-skin/) - Cancer takes a lot from a person. I managed to take it in stride when I lost my breasts and my hair, but when my skin exploded, I completely freaked out. It felt like happened overnight. My face was a mess. I had sores on my scalp. It was physically painful, and a huge blow
- [The Load](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/14/the-load/) - My day is a backpack Splitting at the seamsStuffed to the brimWith countless tasks and dreamsMy life tries to struggle onTeetering from the weightI cram more time inside itI'm still somehow always lateSet it downLook aroundFeel the groundBirds take flightBecause they travel light Photo by Adam Hornyak on Unsplash
- [Do you want to be seen - or are you trying to be admired?](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/16/do-you-want-to-be-seen-or-are-you-trying-to-be-admired/) - Art is a process of making things visible. The thing we most often end up making visible is ourselves. In my earlier days as an artist, I wanted so strongly for the piece to be viewed as separate from me. Ideally, I wanted to disappear, and have people only see the work. I didn't realise
- [Luxury](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/16/luxury/) - What would our ancestors thinkIf they could see our palatial homesTaps with cold and hot waterThat doesn't have to be carried in a bucketWould they marvel at the microwaveHeating a TV dinner at the press of a buttonAnd the magic of mobile phonesThat let us talk to loved ones across the globeWhat would endless racks
- [Alanis Morissette's 'Such Pretty Forks in the Road' is a masterpiece (plus: a mini-manifesto on artistic criticism)](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/14/alanis-morissettes-such-pretty-forks-in-the-road-is-a-masterpiece-plus-a-mini-manifesto-on-artistic-criticism/) - This album has been the soundtrack of my pandemic life. It first came to my attention when my mom sent me this video, which was making the rounds on social media: This song is called 'Ablaze', and it is a manifesto about a mother's love for her children - declaring 'my mission is to keep
- [Why most household management advice doesn't work](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/13/why-most-household-management-advice-doesnt-work/) - I have read a lot of books about personal development, productivity, organisation, home management, and so on, in my attempts to wade through adult life. I've managed to pick up a lot of good tips over the years. I think it's fantastic that there is even more content like this on TV - Queer Eye,
- [Chicken Swimming](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/12/chicken-swimming/) - Oh yeah, he said, you justDrop them right in.Excellent exercise, swimming.Good for the joints.The surface of the pondWas still and clearExcept for a singleFeather floatingBut won't they drown?He smiled.That's what I've gotThis pole here for,To fish them outAfter a good workout.You see,The tricky part isn'tThe swimming.Those scrawny legsHave a powerful kick.The problem for chickensIs getting
- [January 1 is the wrong day to start new year's resolutions](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/11/january-1-is-the-wrong-day-to-start-new-years-resolutions/) - Why do we start our resolutions on January 1st? A far more auspicious time to start new endeavours would be on the first new moon of the new year. I came across the information this week that most people don't make it past January 19th with their new year's resolutions. I'm not surprised. I've been
- [Insomnia companion, part 5: The Sponge](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/09/insomnia-companion-part-5-the-sponge/) - You might think That the thingUnderneath your headIs a pillowBut maybeIt is a spongeIt slowly soaks upThe worriesOf the dayFeel Your anxieties trickleDown the backOf your neckOut of the baseOf your skullWhile you stareAt the ceilingIn the watchful darknessOr perhapsEveryday stressesDribble slowlyOut of your earDrip, drip, dripEvery so slowlyWetting your spongepillowAs they are releasedFor some
- [Insomnia companion, part 6: The Hallway](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/11/insomnia-companion-part-6-the-hallway/) - You find yourselfIn a a long hallwayYou walk and walkThe distant doorFeels like it will neverDraw closerThen suddenly, your handIs on the knobYou turn it and walk throughAnd find yourselfIn another hallwayYou can just see the doorOn the horizon lineYou push forwardWith every bit of energyMaking no progressUntil all at onceYou feel the cold metalUnder
- [The fog](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/07/the-fog/) - Today, I am tired. I slept - but in strange, broken fragments. Some of it feels like my fault. Some of it feels beyond my power to control. Like much of the world, stayed up past my bedtime, watching in shock as right wing terrorists stormed the Capitol building. I burned off the anxiety stirred
- [Unfinished business](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/06/unfinished-business/) - As the new year begins, I've found myself energised for new endeavours and projects - pandemic and lockdown notwithstanding. There has been a powerful urge telling me: it is time for something new. But it's interesting - every time I try to take a step forward (like with this Home Ec project I'm so excited
- [Insomnia companion, part 1: the sandy shore](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/03/05/insomnia-companion-part-1-the-sandy-shore/) - I haven't been sleeping again, soI started writing myself a little insomnia companion book for the dark hours... Picture a sandy shore, right at the edge where the waves wash up. Imagine this is your mind. Listen to the sound of your breath. Imagine it is the waves of the ocean. Breathe in - the
- [Insomnia companion, part 2: partner breathing](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/03/06/insomnia-companion-part-2-partner-breathing/) - I haven't been sleeping again, soI started writing myself a little insomnia companion book for the dark hours... Perhaps there is someone lying in bed next to you. Perhaps they are sleeping peacefully. You can borrow a bit of their restful energy. Let this be a moment to feel close to them, even if they
- [Insomnia companion, part 3: falling](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/10/01/insomnia-companion-part-3-falling/) - If you can't fall asleepWhere can you fall instead? Can you fall under the spellOf your own sleeplessness?Can you fall in loveWith some tiny traceOf beauty in the worldYou had never thought to notice? Can you feel the sensation in your bodyOf falling?Do you feel scared?Do you feel elated? There are places in our livesWhere
- [Sometimes the edge isn't where the growth is](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/04/sometimes-the-edge-isnt-where-the-growth-is/) - I was doing yoga earlier this week, and had a moment that I've been turning over in my head ever since. At around the 24 minute mark in this video from DoYogaWithMe.com (which I absolutely adore), the instructor Melissa says: "I think it makes more sense to stick with the pose that feels a little
- [New year, new experiment: Home Ec for the Modern Human](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2021/01/02/new-year-new-experiment-home-ec-for-the-modern-human/) - There was a moment, in the midst of cancer and parenting during the insanity that was our life over the past few years, when Zach looked at me and said, "do you think our lives will ever feel not-awful?" At least I'm pretty sure that's what he said. It might have been me. This sounds
- [Go on, pull the dishwasher drawer all the way open](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/08/06/go-on-pull-the-dishwasher-drawer-all-the-way-open/) - A few weeks back, I was trying to put a glass in the dishwasher. The prime spaces in front of the top rack had already been claimed. I nudged the drawer open, trying to find the right angle to reach around to the back. This turned into a curious sort of gymnastics trying to contort
- [Am I worth it?](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/08/05/am-i-worth-it/) - Today, I sobbed so hard my teeth chattered. There are times in my life when grief has hit me powerfully hard, and this was one of them. My legs actually gave away. I lost the strength to stand. I thought that was the sort of thing that only happened in movies. It would have been
- [Imagine a seed in the palm of your hand](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/08/05/imagine-a-seed-in-the-palm-of-your-hand/) - Imagine a seed in the palm of your hand. Imagine it bursting, carefully, into life. Imagine the roots curling around your fingers, up your arm - around, and over and under, and through your entire body - delicate and flexible, but with the unbreakable promise of finely spun wire. Imagine those roots filling your body
- [Guess what we did this weekend?](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/08/05/guess-what-we-did-this-weekend/) - It was never in our plan to move in the middle of chemotherapy. When our landlord let us know he needed to sell our flat, we were shocked, devastated, and pretty worried about how to manage it all. In the end, it has turned out to be a blessing in disguise. We love our new
- [A quick solution for an Indian food craving during chemo (or anytime!)](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/07/31/a-quick-solution-for-an-indian-food-craving-during-chemo-or-anytime/) - Guys, I cooked!!! (Please see photographic evidence.) Technically, 'cooked' might be an overstatement. But I bought food, made it hot, and put it on plates. Given the fact that I haven't been able to do this - or even set foot into a grocery store for months - this feels like a big win! I've
- [Add pickles](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/07/30/add-pickles/) - I'm not spending too much time in the kitchen at the moment, but can we just take a moment to appreciate this unsung hero? Sandwiches? Transformative. Appetiser? Easy and classy. Surprise addition to sauces? Yes please. Pickles go with everything. When in doubt, add more. Photo by Jonathan Pielmayer on Unsplash
- [Anything worth doing is worth doing badly](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/07/29/anything-worth-doing-is-worth-doing-badly/) - I wish I could remember where I first heard this. I was raised with the values that 'anything worth doing is worth doing well.' I'm grateful for that. Still, I increasingly think the opposite is just as true. It's a gentle reminder that we need to walk before we can run. Particularly for all of
- [In the wee small hours](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/07/27/in-the-wee-small-hours/) - Last night, you cried in the middle of the night. For the first time in many, many weeks, I was well enough to murmur to your father to go back to sleep. I snuck into your darkened room on my own. I was a bit unsteady on my legs. You stood in your travel cot
- [Not with a bang, but a whimper](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/08/23/not-with-a-bang-but-a-whimper/) - I might be done with chemo. And it's not how I pictured it at all. First of all, I expected to feel a lot worse at the point where my body gave out. I've seen up close how painful cancer treatment can be (and had some rough times myself). In most ways I'm feeling much
- [New growth](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/08/07/new-growth/) - I noticed it first in my armpits: baby hairs, soft and fine, but present. Taking root. Growing. And then yesterday, I saw something even more exciting... My eyebrows are starting to come back. There are teeny tiny hairs beginning to peek out. There are even a few baby eyelashes making their first careful reappearance. Today,
- [The calm before the storm](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/08/07/the-calm-before-the-storm/) - Tomorrow is Wednesday. Wednesdays are chemo day. And tomorrow isn't just any chemo day. Tomorrow, I start cycle four of my chemo. Today - this lovely, magical Tuesday - was a good day. The best I've had in a long while. I had so much energy, I felt almost normal. (At least, according to the
- [The three little words that keep a marriage going (hint: not 'I love you')](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/09/02/the-three-little-words-that-keep-a-marriage-going-hint-not-i-love-you/) - There is a magic phrase - three little words - that can help keep a marriage alive. They give us an extra spring in our step, an extra zest for life, and a feeling of connection with our life's partner. It's one of life's magic gifts that feels wonderful, but costs nothing. It's not 'I
- [Today, there is sunshine](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/08/29/today-there-is-sunshine/) - This morning, I awoke to this beautiful view outside my window. Yesterday was not easy, but it's hard not to feel optimistic when the world beckons with green possibility. Sometimes, I think there is nothing as beautiful as London on a sunny day. Today is the birthday of one of my favourite people (you know
- [Everyone is celebrating, but I can't stop crying](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/08/28/everyone-is-celebrating-but-i-cant-stop-crying/) - It's official: chemo is done. I didn't expect to feel like a leaky faucet that can't turn off. The message is: you did it! How I feel is: my body couldn't take any more. And there is a long road still to go. That is the reality I am still living in. The neuropathy is
- [I feel like I'm already losing the lessons cancer taught me](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/08/23/i-feel-like-im-already-losing-the-lessons-cancer-taught-me/) - It hasn't even been confirmed yet that I'm stopping chemotherapy. But my mind is already moving ahead. And I feel feel like I'm already starting to lose the lessons that cancer taught me. There is enormous clarity that comes in the face of this kind of diagnosis. It focused my mind and energy on what
- [How you spend your time is how you spend your life](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/09/02/how-you-spend-your-time-is-how-you-spend-your-life/) - I can't remember where I first heard or read this advice. But I have been thinking about it quite a bit recently as I try to get to grips with rebuilding my life post-chemo. It's so easy to feel like there is never time or energy to accomplish everything. And I have felt how much
- [The best yoga classes on the internet - DoYogaWithMe.com](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/09/02/the-best-yoga-classes-on-the-internet-doyogawithme-com/) - I first discovered DoYogaWithMe.com through the magic of Google. I was looking for online yoga videos, and this popped up. There was no looking back. :-) This post is going to sound like an advertisement, but it's actually not - just a tribute to a wonderful website that I have really enjoyed over the years.
- [This is how you keep lilies from staining everything](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/09/03/this-is-how-you-keep-lilies-from-staining-everything/) - Lilies are beautiful. There is something magical about the unparalleled optimism of watching those big star-shaped flowers throw themselves open to the world. However, they can also be a big old mess as they start to age and the pollen falls - or if you accidentally bump one! If you've been unlucky enough to have
- [Writing for an invisible audience](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/09/28/writing-for-an-invisible-audience/) - "Is it worth it to speak your mind and your truth, in fiction or otherwise, if an audience, even if it is an audience of one, is never promised? Does it matter?" - Ocean Vuong The MacArthur 'Genius Grant' fellows were announced this week. I always find it a treat tolearn about these extraordinary individuals
- [Petals](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/09/30/petals/) - First: redA soft, silken coinPressed to the lipsClenched in the fistYour private treasureFound fallenNo less precious for that Then: whiteLike a featherDropped in flightStolen ReclaimedCast into a puddleCrushed by playground hands Found: PinkPerfect, pristine petalAn offered consolationLost in your tailwinds How could I forget?The petals we are givenPale next to those we find Photo by
- [Please Take](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/10/03/please-take/) - On my walk home from my chiropractor session yesterday, I came across this bag of apples that a neighbour had left on the wall outside their house. 'Please take', the note said. It was a delightful surprise. A wonderful kind of generosity - no explanations or expectations, no strings attached, no effort. Just an anonymous
- [Nothing you are feeling is wrong](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/10/03/nothing-you-are-feeling-is-wrong/) - Today, I had a session with Ben Bridger. These sessions of McTimoney Chiropractic work not only make my body feel better; he always sends me out the door thinking as well. Today, there were two wonderful and timely insights. One: Sometimes it's really useful and good to feel lazy. No one can be stimulated all
- [What hope looks like](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/11/20/what-hope-looks-like/) - Today I attended a workshop through 'Look Good Feel Better'. It's a wonderful charity where expert volunteers provide a makeup workshop for women being treated for cancer, and everyone leaves with a goody bag donated by cosmetics companies. I had a really lovely time and felt quite spoiled with all the goodies. But the best part
- [Losing a bracelet: or, discovering a new normal](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/11/18/discovering-a-new-normal/) - Last week, I lost the medical bracelet I had been wearing religiously since April, when my Powerport was implanted. The bracelet was simple - a flexible silicon band, with imprinted letters you had to look closely to make out. It was dark grey - unobtrusive and unflashy. After the surgery to place the port, I
- [Om Namah Shivaya](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/11/11/om-namah-shivaya/) - I've been having dreams about breasts. A few nights ago, there was a dream where I had a baby. I'm not sure whether it was a boy or a girl, it was a mystery. The baby was still very tiny. The baby started rooting - I lifted them to my breast, and they fed. I
- [Autumn is my favourite time of year, she said.](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/10/30/autumn-is-my-favourite-time-of-year-she-said/) - Autumn is my favourite time of year, she said. With a burst of transcendent colour.Like a sunset,The world marks its endingIn shades of flame. And yet,The ending isn't an ending.There is life buriedIn the marrow of that wood.There is a promise of returnAfter the cold cleansing,and frosty quietOf a winter's rest. Let us revel in
- [Embracing Autumn magic: endings](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/10/29/embracing-autumn-magic-endings/) - Endings are hard. Yet Autumn is possibly the most psychologically delicious season. Ask people what their favourite season is - most of my friends say Autumn. It has a warm, rich feeling - bonfires, cider, crunching leaves, a particular kind of golden sunshine. But part of the appeal for me, I think, was that it
- [12 Little Spells by Esperanza Spalding is pure magic](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/10/26/12-little-spells-by-esperanza-spalding-is-pure-magic/) - I love flying BA, because they have such a great music selection I always end up discovering new things. I'd read about '12 Little Spells' when it came out a year ago, but hadn't ever listened to Esperanza Spalding's work. Each little spell is dedicated to a specific part of the body - conjuring and
- [Finding mental space amidst clutter](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2019/10/26/finding-mental-space-amidst-clutter/) - This is the view from my bed right now: Unpacking is still very much a work in process, since I was still too ill for months after the move to work on this properly. (Not to mention our life was in quite a state of disarray after welcoming a child and then encountering cancer in
- [A simple barometer for complex life choices](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/02/01/a-simple-barometer-for-complex-life-choices/) - The funny thing about cancer is that it puts blinders on, so everything that isn't focused on pure survival gets pushed to the side. Obviously it's a huge relief to be feeling better to do more, and reengage with life. But emerging back into normal life, where all those other concerns come rushing to the
- [Bad dreams](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/01/29/bad-dreams/) - I keep having bad dreams. Not even interesting bad dreams. I have been having the most boring bad dreams imaginable. Last night, I was doing my taxes for hours - adding figures, calculating things out, entering form numbers. The two nights prior to that, I spent all night researching nurseries for Rose, making calls, and
- [Setting intentions creates a map for your life](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/01/16/setting-intentions-creates-a-map-for-your-life/) - In my meditation group tonight, our teacher talked a bit about the value of setting intentions - for a given night of practice, or even for an entire year. He likened this to driving without a map from London to Newcastle, far in the North of England. You'll get there eventually, but it might take
- [Try this for an allergy-friendly Easter egg hunt](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/04/12/try-this-for-an-allergy-friendly-easter-egg-hunt/) - Rosie is allergic to cow's milk and eggs. We're hopeful she will grow out of them but it's not something we have any interest in experimenting with in the current climate. (The last thing we need is an allergy emergency!) This presented a bit of a conundrum for an Easter egg hunt. Real eggs were
- [Some thoughts on interviewing in the arts](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/04/30/some-thoughts-on-interviewing-in-the-arts/) - Yesterday I had a great interview for a wonderful opportunity. It surprised me that I was able to think this. Because the ultimate deciding factor is whether you get selected. Right? Well, I'm not necessarily sure this is true in the arts. It made me think a bit about this experience, and what I've learned
- [A helpful question for when all the days feel the same](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/04/29/a-helpful-question-for-when-all-the-days-feel-the-same/) - The days keep going by. Those of us who are fortunate enough to be able to self-quarantine are have spent weeks inside. It's a strange sort of life. Every day starts to feel the same. There's some interesting research on this - talking about how new experiences make time expand, or conversely how repetition can
- [What to do when you're out of your depth](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/04/17/what-to-do-when-youre-out-of-your-depth/) - I'm going to be honest: when I was first working on the writing job that is my primary focus at the moment, I had to google 'how to format a radio play'. I never dreamed that my first radio project would be a two hour feature to an audience of millions. To my credit: I
- [Odds and Ends 1](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/05/06/odds-and-ends/) - How to Salvage a Disastrous Day in Your Covid-19 House Arrest by Aisha S. Ahmad (from chroniclevitae.com) "You are in "remedial" life class. For scholars and other high-achieving professionals, performance is an important part of our identities. We are used to tackling hard challenges, and we thrive on achievement and excellence. But that approach will not
- [Riding the wave of the ups and downs](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/05/06/riding-the-wave-of-the-ups-and-downs/) - When undergoing any intensive experience (like cancer treatment) there's a decision to be made: are you going to fight the tides, or ride them? I was reminded of this today. It was a treatment day. They have to give me a whole lot of premeds when I have Herceptin, because I had a reaction during
- [When the light at the end of the tunnel comes sooner than you expect](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/05/06/when-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel-comes-sooner-than-you-expect/) - I almost didn't write this post. The information hasn't really sunk in yet. Today in my treatment session, I got an amazing surprise. I was due to finish in mid-June, and had two more appointments booked. But the wonderful nurse who was looking after me checked their system. They had counted wrong. The next time
- [Odds and ends 3](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/05/21/odds-and-ends-3/) - Höchste Lust: music as the opposite of social distancing by Katharine Dain "At some point I noticed a shift in the quality of attention between us—a marked preference for each other’s company, surreptitious glances of appraisal—but I didn’t worry about what felt like a little gig crush... But it was more, and I knew it.
- [At the end](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/05/18/at-the-end/) - Let my body loose its shape and slowly crumble into dustLet my bones grow old and creaky, let my blood congeal to rust Let my voice grow hoarse and tired, let my brain grow slow and dimLet my breathing fade until it perches lightly on life's rim Let my image be forgotten, let my memory
- [Odds and Ends 2](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/05/12/odds-and-ends-2/) - Guess who finally subscribed to The Atlantic? :-) Dear Therapist: The Pandemic Has Changed My Relationship With My Therapist by Lori Gottlieb (from The Atlantic) "In other words, you say you’re trying to protect your therapist, but I have a feeling that the person you’re trying to protect is yourself. If you stop having sessions,
- [Diving](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/06/03/diving/) - For Zachary I lost myself yesterdayDrowning in the ever-oncoming wavesMy head slippingSlowly but surelyBeneath the surfaceNothing but waterAs far as the eye can see When you appearedI thought you would pull me to shoreBut instead You filled my mouth with breathFrom the metal tank carried on your backYou took my handAnd said with a twinkle:"Come
- [Odds and ends 4](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/06/17/odds-and-ends-4/) - 2020 Commencement Address by Marlon James (for Macalester U) "So if it’s not about talent and it’s not about effort, what is it about? It’s hunger. How badly do you want it? It’s stakes. How high are yours? If your stakes aren’t high enough, fake it. It’s how hard are you prepared to work? That’s
- [Do you find it painful to keep to a schedule?](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/08/18/do-you-find-it-painful-to-keep-to-a-schedule/) - Do you find it painful to keep to a schedule? I do. At least, as a general rule. I feel like I have so many plans or schemes I have set up and abandoned. Whenever I try to set things up, there is a feeling of rebellion, an urge to paint outside the lines, and
- [I want to bloom where I am planted](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/02/i-want-to-bloom-where-i-am-planted/) - I want to bloom where I am plantedBut these stones are far too rough.I want to send forth searching rootsBut oh, this ground is tough.I want to blossom verdantlyBut the soil is parched and dry.It all seems such a struggleAnd I can't understand why.For all around me flowers bloomIn vibrant, luscious hues.Why can't I thrive
- [Odds and ends 5](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/08/odds-and-ends-5/) - America's Most Widely Misread Literary Work by The Atlantic 'Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken” is often interpreted as an anthem of individualism and nonconformity, seemingly encouraging readers to take the road less traveled... But as Frost liked to warn his listeners, “You have to be careful of that one; it’s a tricky poem—very tricky.”
- [Lest we forget that we are animals](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/07/lest-we-forget-that-we-are-animals/) - Lest we forget that we are animalsI run my fingers through your silky furI feel the heat from where our bodies touchAnd nestle close to hear your rumbling purr Our lives are bound by rules and promisesBy forms and customs, cunningly designedWe follow patterns hidden to our eyesAnd seek our own path, carefully divined But
- [Losing an icon: Chadwick Boseman](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/02/losing-an-icon-chadwick-boseman/) - I'm still getting to grips with my shock and my news over his death. When I first saw the news, I thought it was a hoax. How can it be that an artist who burns so brightly and with such energy can be taken by by this devastating, wasting disease? And how on earth did
- [This is how to pick the perfect exercise for you](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/16/this-is-how-to-pick-the-perfect-exercise-for-you/) - This post was inspired by my mom. She was talking about what it's like being a woman in her 60's, trying to stay healthy and active. And she gave me the greatest tip for choosing a form of exercise. Instead of looking at the young people who are involved in whatever you are thinking about,
- [Blackberries](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/10/blackberries/) - I was too prickly, too wild,Too thorny, too demanding,Too aggressive,Too unruly,Too chaotic,Too big. Maybe if I hadn't grown quite so high,Or foolishly trailed my branches down to the ground,Maybe if I had stayed exactly at eye-levelIn easy reach... Maybe if I had smoothed away my sharpness,Pared back my leaves,Plumped my juicy fruit,Or curled appealingly into
- [Feeling lost after treatment](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/09/feeling-lost-after-treatment/) - Right now, it seems like so many people in my online cancer groups are struggling. Some of them are in the midst of treatment, some of them are years out, but there seems to be a general trend towards people feeling low, fatigued, depressed, or lost. I think there are bigger trends contributing to what
- [How do we heal?](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/17/how-do-we-heal/) - How do we heal? When we are torn,We know that invisible forcesWork to put us back together again.We look at the changesAnd think it is just the magic of time,When really, a million microscopic momentsAnd tiny actions have come togetherTo create a web that holds our bodies together,To repair what has been broken,To restore and
- [The best advice I ever got on parenting](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/22/the-best-advice-i-ever-got-on-parenting/) - Back when my sister was expecting her baby, one of the things they did was get everyone to share their best piece of parenting advice. I still find myself thinking about this on a regular basis. The best advice I got came from a taxi driver. He had a young child who he loved deeply,
- [Visibly pregnant](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/25/visibly-pregnant/) - I belong to a Facebook group of 'Mothers Who Make', and someone shared this inspiring post from Paloma Faith: 𝖨𝗍 𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖾𝗑𝗍𝗋𝖾𝗆𝖾 𝗉𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝖨 𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝖨 𝖺𝗆 𝗉𝗋𝖾𝗀𝗇𝖺𝗇𝗍. 𝖨 𝖺𝗆 𝗀𝗈𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗇𝖾𝗐 𝗆𝗎𝗌𝗂𝖼 𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅 𝖿𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝖻𝗈𝖽𝗒 𝖺𝗌 𝗂𝗍 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖿𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖾𝗒𝖾𝗌!
- [Looking backwards](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/28/looking-backwards/) - Today, I was going back through old emails to check for any stray receipts as part of the process of preparing my US taxes. My inbox currently has 5,568 unread emails in it. When I worked in office jobs I was able to maintain inbox zero. But in my personal life, my inbox doubles as
- [Tiny steps](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/09/30/tiny-steps/) - Yesterday, you reached out for my hand,Without even looking,Sure that I would be there. And for the first time,Instead of stepping forward to reassure you,I took the tiniest of steps away. Your hand reached out,But beneath it was air,I waited, and watched, just out of reach. You stood on the end of the playground slide,Where
- [Odds and Ends 6](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/10/17/odds-and-ends-6/) - How to Live in the Face of Fear: Lessons From a Cancer Survivor - an interview with Kate Bowler by Elizabeth Dias (from the NYT) "There was a rhythm I got into with cancer that has served me well right now. Every day sort of has an arc to it. There’s a limited amount that
- [Writing hack: setting an intention](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/10/20/writing-hack-setting-an-intention/) - This isn't a hack I've experimented yet - rather something that might be a really good idea, and I wanted to capture it while it's fresh. Today, I did an online yoga video where the instructor encouraged us at the beginning of the practice to set an intention. She explained that this served as a
- [The meaning of grace](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/12/11/the-meaning-of-grace/) - She spent years learning How to move Elegantly, effortlessly Watching her own reflection Buffing away roughness Until she could glide Across the mirror's surface Like a water bird On a still pond. But she only embodied The true meaning of grace When she learned To turn to others Who had tripped And clumsily fallen, And
- [Survival vs happiness in times of crisis](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/11/09/survival-vs-happiness-in-times-of-crisis/) - I remember at one point during my cancer treatment, one of my sisters said to me something along the lines of 'I thought there was going to be a lot more watching movies and cuddling'. But I found the logistics of dealing with cancer with a baby in the house absolutely overwhelming. It didn't feel
- [Cool things: magnetic page notebook](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/11/09/cool-things-magnetic-page-notebook/) - This popped up today in an email from uncommon goods - a magnetic notebook that lets you take pages out and move them around. I've always leaned towards notebooks with tear out pages so I can more things around and group them where they actually go (rather than the order that ideas come out in.)
- [How change happens: election thoughts](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/11/04/how-change-happens-election-thoughts/) - I remember when Colorado was a red state. It wasn't so long ago. When I was first able to vote, I cast my ballot knowing it likely wouldn't make a bit of difference. It would just be lost in the bloodbath. But now, Colorado doesn't even seem to be a battleground. It is a lovely,
- [The joy of writing poetry on a screen](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/11/03/the-joy-of-writing-poetry-on-a-screen/) - I have a longstanding fascination with the physical process of writing. I think the tools that we use shape the way our brains work, and the kind of work that we can produce. I'm not just sharing poetry on this blog - I am actively composing in the online space of Wordpress. There is a
- [Another finish line](https://wheretherosesbloom.com/2020/10/22/another-finish-line/) - Cancer feels like it has so many finish lines and milestones - and each one opens up a whole range of feelings. Tomorrow will be my last day as someone with a port. I though this procedure would feel like an afterthought - but it's actually hitting a nerve. I was speaking about this today

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