It’s a funny moment isn’t it, where the blinders go on and the walls go up – where we stop thinking and go into blind action like strange little robots.
For me, it feels like my settings have been switched, instead of operating calmly and reflectively, I just blindly charge ahead with whatever it feels like I ‘should’ be doing, or will reduce my panic most.
I used to think this was a sign that something was wrong with me – but now I think it’s actually pretty common to the human condition. And I can recognise the cycle – trigger, release.
But that release usually only comes with connection. We need people who can make us feel loved, while helping us reground ourselves.
Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, I said to Zach, ‘I had a thought about marriage.’
And he said, ‘oh yeah?’ (And he deserves extra credit for this response, not knowing whether it was going to be a quick check in, or the kind of lengthy philosophical rambling that is not entirely welcome when one really just wants to focus on trying to fall asleep.)
Climbing into bed beside him, I said:
‘Marriage is 50% getting the other person to stop acting crazy. And 50% having them help you stop acting crazy.’
He laughed. And he said, ‘YES.’