life and art
It’s official: chemo is done. I didn’t expect to feel like a leaky faucet that can’t turn off. The message is: you did it! How I feel is: my body couldn’t take any more. And there is a long road still to go. That is the reality I am still living in. The neuropathy is …
Continue reading “Everyone is celebrating, but I can’t stop crying”
It hasn’t even been confirmed yet that I’m stopping chemotherapy. But my mind is already moving ahead. And I feel feel like I’m already starting to lose the lessons that cancer taught me. There is enormous clarity that comes in the face of this kind of diagnosis. It focused my mind and energy on what …
Continue reading “I feel like I’m already losing the lessons cancer taught me”
I might be done with chemo. And it’s not how I pictured it at all. First of all, I expected to feel a lot worse at the point where my body gave out. I’ve seen up close how painful cancer treatment can be (and had some rough times myself). In most ways I’m feeling much …
I noticed it first in my armpits: baby hairs, soft and fine, but present. Taking root. Growing. And then yesterday, I saw something even more exciting… My eyebrows are starting to come back. There are teeny tiny hairs beginning to peek out. There are even a few baby eyelashes making their first careful reappearance. Today, …
Tomorrow is Wednesday. Wednesdays are chemo day. And tomorrow isn’t just any chemo day. Tomorrow, I start cycle four of my chemo. Today – this lovely, magical Tuesday – was a good day. The best I’ve had in a long while. I had so much energy, I felt almost normal. (At least, according to the …
A few weeks back, I was trying to put a glass in the dishwasher. The prime spaces in front of the top rack had already been claimed. I nudged the drawer open, trying to find the right angle to reach around to the back. This turned into a curious sort of gymnastics trying to contort …
Continue reading “Go on, pull the dishwasher drawer all the way open”
Today, I sobbed so hard my teeth chattered. There are times in my life when grief has hit me powerfully hard, and this was one of them. My legs actually gave away. I lost the strength to stand. I thought that was the sort of thing that only happened in movies. It would have been …
Imagine a seed in the palm of your hand. Imagine it bursting, carefully, into life. Imagine the roots curling around your fingers, up your arm – around, and over and under, and through your entire body – delicate and flexible, but with the unbreakable promise of finely spun wire. Imagine those roots filling your body …
It was never in our plan to move in the middle of chemotherapy. When our landlord let us know he needed to sell our flat, we were shocked, devastated, and pretty worried about how to manage it all. In the end, it has turned out to be a blessing in disguise. We love our new …
Guys, I cooked!!! (Please see photographic evidence.) Technically, ‘cooked’ might be an overstatement. But I bought food, made it hot, and put it on plates. Given the fact that I haven’t been able to do this – or even set foot into a grocery store for months – this feels like a big win! I’ve …
Continue reading “A quick solution for an Indian food craving during chemo (or anytime!)”
